The Thick Line Between Trusting And Knowing.
superficially, things are very simple, relationship wise. but why is that perception superficial? it takes only two people to maintain one. so what is it that are seemingly making everything difficult?
is it trust? why is trust even in the equation? girl trusts boy that he will not cheat on her. does she trust because she knows that he will not do so? why does she need to know? doesn’t he know? doesn’t he know that he is never to cheat on her? if he doesn’t know, how can she know? and if she doesn’t know, how can she trust? or if he knows, what is the use of trust?
hence, there are many cases (let us use cheating and girl as common subjects). one, boy needs girl to trust him because he isn’t sure if he will cheat on her, not without her trust at least, so he claims. two, boy needs girl to trust him just so he can get away with things. and others revolve around possessiveness, which is out of the topic.
now, i am not saying not to trust your girl/boy. i am just saying that trust is overrated. so what you trust your boyfriend? it doesn’t mean that he will not do it. worse. some say ‘i trust my boyfriend very much’. add the very sumore. it simply portrays how insecure you are and also how weak your boyfriend is.
but trust isn’t all useless. it has it’s innate depth too. just not on anything/pressumed to be long term, i guess. example of short term, jon lends ben his pencil. he trusts that ben will return his pencil in its original condition, no more, no less, in 3 days. whether or not ben returns jon’s pencil, besides not/getting back his pencil, jon will know if he had/n’t invested his trust onto the wrong person in 3 days time.
oh. here’s another problem. in a relationship, what is the pencil?
goodnight people! (:
Flying Without Wings
this guy in american idol sang flying without wings so so so beutifully that i cried.
really. it was heaven.
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The New Year.
2008 made me cried a river. i don’t even know why was i so excited for 2008 in 2007. i despise 2008. nothing significant happened. it just made me cried and felt smothered a lot. it made me depressed most of the time. but then there were times where i was really happy. but happy was only transient and i still felt sad. or should i say, sad was only transient and i still felt happy.
i’ve learnt to forgive and forget so often that i am oblivious to doing it anymore now. but thinking back again, i only remember doing the forgiving and some of of the forgetting. playing ignorant makes me feel weary. but i don’t think i will be weary of feeling weary. i mean, aren’t we all tired? i’ve been tired for so long. i’ve always been tired. i’m gonna stay tired cos then i have a reason to sleep.
How I’ve Been Doing Lately.
good morning! lovely morning! and i feel pretty today despite a huge pimple on my right cheek haih.
anyway, mom bought me a new laptop. feels so weird to call it mine now.
i’m gonna go help to enroll in a few minutes time, after my mom is not you know, half naked. and my subjects combination is math, chem, phy and further math. not a very girly combo la i apologize. but, i love math, chem n phy ok. 75% total love. but i might not love it later la dunno wtf.
umm, what else. oh. cl’s back (quite a while ago) and i’m seeing him again tomorrow. so excited. T.T and i’m going prom with him next monday night.
oh! speaking of next monday, my driving test is next monday! i damn scared ok. i think i will fail la wtf. haih. how la how la?! i shall pray hard and leave it to God la ok.
alright! i have to go now. after help, i’m gonna accompany brother and cousins to mid valley. i’m hoping to find a pretty dress for a good price. tough luck. haih.
so, wish me luck! and here’s a picture of my other smaller cousins from kuantan.
the fellow in the middle sneezed after this shot. cos he held back his sneeze for quite some time for me. ah. so adorable! (:
Happiness
i’d like to think that i can fly and float in air. i wanna meet peter pan and never grow up. i’ll never learn how to kiss or hug the right way because i don’t need to. i wanna fall cos i don’t know that someone would catch me, like how peter caught wendy. i wanna sleep on fluffy white clouds. i wanna meet hercules and zeus. i love how pegasus is so honest and funny. i love how i seek confidence from one’s eyes. i want to understand, believe and trust. i really wanna fly. i love how i love hands and the way they move. i wanna hold and feel what it’s like to be held, forever. i love how you care whenever i need to be cared. i wanna make old people laugh. i love how princes can be so selfless to battle danger and rescue princesses. i want to see, feel and smile. i want to hear that i always matter although if it was a lie. i want to be happy. just, happy.
Hello World!
hellooo. (: how was your day today? spm ended a few hours ago and i felt, like it was just another day.
yesterday, audrey texted me. she said that our friend, wong zhe yi died. he was diagnosed with brain cancer last year. yeah. i was clueless about the cancer, until yesterday, together with his death.
the funny thing was, when aud mentioned his name, i could remember every inch if him so vividly. his glasses. teeth. pulled up socks. his really thin legs. the way his fingers move. his laughter.
i’m sorry. but he never really made an impact in my life. we played hopscotch together. police and thief. ice and water maybe. but other than that, i can’t remember anything else we’ve done together. he was just there, in the same class as me. quiet most of the time but i know that he laughs. i can even hear the resonance.
for some reason, i was really sad. i cried so hard yesterday. i felt remorseful that i’ve never thought of him until now, when everything is already too late. i felt sad that the last time i saw him was 6 years ago. i felt sad that i’ve lost a friend, forever and ever.
i wish i could play hopscotch with him again. i wish i could see him again. if only things were ever different.
wong zhe yi, 1991-2008, we’ll always remember you. God bless.
